My Rapping Career

So, thanks to my manager, Mark Saffian, I’ve gotten to meet a number of popular nerdcore rappers. In particular, MC Lars, YTCracker, MC Frontalot, and the less well known but still awesome Random.

Then, we started doing SMBC Theater, and it occurred to me that it might be fun to try it out myself. I wrote a little bit, which is pasted below. It isn’t quite complete, in that it still needs the wave-particle chunk. It never got past the planning stage because we decided the lyrics were too nerdy even for SMBC Theater.

It’s been a while since I played with this, but I believe it’s a very simple proof of how gamma works, which I wrote after first being introduced to a mathematical treatment of the basics of relativity. (Warning: Contains profanity and math).

Physics Rap Notes and Lyrics

1) Setup chatter
2) Singing of sound we’ll have for bridges (maybe Schrodinger equation?)
3) 1st professor raps about relativity
4) Repeat of two. Added to that, 1st professor turns it over to second professor
5) 2nd professor raps about wave-particle duality
6) Repeat of four, but 2nd prof turns over to 3rd prof
7) Wind down chatter, end
INT. CLASSROOM
Room full of sophomore physics students. One student in the front row brags out how knowledgeable he is.
At the front of the classroom, Professor paces back and forth, smiling. At the two corners of the room are two grad student TAs. All three watch the braggart student.
The student says something particularly obnoxious about how MOST PEOPLE don’t understand physics concepts that affect their daily lives.
Professor looks to Grad 1, who nods. Professor looks to Grad 2, who nods. Professor approaches student’s desk. ┬áStudent realizes he’s being looked it. Professor tilts his head back and widens his eyes, intensely staring at Student, as we hear a female voice sings out:”Del squared psi equals Hamiltonian psi.”
Lyrics for first professor:
(NOTE: I provide a few visual notes, but for the music video, there will be sight gags for pretty much every line)
YOUR BRAIN IS SHIT,
so I’m about to murder it
By saying lightspeed in constant to all who observe it
If all viewers have rules we assume are the same
Then your senses depend upon your reference frame
So what you see… and what I see
Will be different ’cause your slow velocity.
Oh, your defense is, your common senses?
Well what I’ve said has been tested and has consequences
Both TAs: BITCH!
(Note, the next several lines will have a diagram in the video, for clarity)
Let us say that I’m moving and that you are not
I go smooth and to prove this I’ve got on the spot
A series of mirrors and we both carry clocks
We define the change in time that you, at rest, see
As delta tee prime is two d over c
I leave from your frame, we’ll call it O prime
As I reach my new speed, I’m gonna pull out my nine (he’ll pull out a 9mm laser)
And the line of the beam is unlike that of us,
We account with a shout out to Pythagorus
Pythagorus: BITCH!
(The TAs now join the professor)
C squared delta tee over two squared, don’t you see, square?
Equals v delta tee over two squared plus d squared
Solve delta tee, little bitch, how I get shorties all the time
Delta tee fuckin equals gamma delta tee prime!
TAs: SHNAP!
So when you’re hatin, muthafucka,prognosticatin’ muthafucka,
Your yap flaps so fast, time dilation, muthafucka
Einstein: BOOM!
If length per second can reckon with the ticking of cesium
Get her v close to c, your girl will think that you’re real hung
You can alter the length you can alter the strength
Of your frequency. Am I wrong, Christian Doppler?
Doppler: NO YOU AIN’T
If frequency changes, then energy too,
And we can rearrange this to put mass in that rule
You’re aware by now where I can go, don’t be scared
Energy equals gamma… (brief pause)
EVERYONE: MC SQUARED
The female voice sings again as the professor, TAs, and characters introduced act like gangstas.
Professor: I call this dance…
The Lorentz transform…
Everyone dance…
In this dance form…
(He dances poorly, while acting like he’s writing a Lorentz transform with a piece of chalk.)
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14 Responses to My Rapping Career

  1. Westicle says:

    I know a lot of serious nerds that would orgasm to this piece of fine work. Well done, Mr. Weiner. Well done.

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention The Weinerworks ┬╗ My Rapping Career -- Topsy.com

  3. kitukwfyer says:

    Is it obvious that I like this, too? :) I barely have enough physics to follow half of that, but I still love it! Now THAT’s impressive.

  4. Bran says:

    Why too nerdy for SMBC Theater? SMBC Comics get this nerdy every so often…

  5. Big Sis NYC says:

    Damn, you make me proud!

  6. Tom says:

    This needs to be made

  7. Dave M says:

    Ahahaa this is gold. Grats Zach, this shit it so cool it’s -1K.

    I NEED to see this in SMBT. I shall sacrifice poor defenceless baby kittens so that this may see life.

  8. Monte Heyman says:

    Zach Weiner, if you don’t make this, I will cry, die inside, and revoke 10 million points from your point counter.

  9. Stephen McNeil says:

    That’s… that’s just beautiful. That this does not exist on YouTube is a crime against humanity, or at least that portion of humanity taking quantum physics. I want Christian Doppler and his mad neck-stretching 19th century cravat shouting NO YOU AIN’T on a t-shirt, stat.

    But it’s not del squared psi = hamiltonian psi. The Hamiltonian operator contains both a potential energy term and a kinetic energy term, and the kinetic energy term is the del squared (multiplied by some constants). So del squared is part of the Hamiltonian. It’s Hamiltonian psi equals energy psi.

  10. Paul Collins says:

    MAKE IT! MAKE IT! MAKE IT!

    if i was dorithy i’d click my ruby shoes together, but im not, so i can only threten you with a Grrr…….”GRRRRRR!”

  11. PenisFencer says:

    Where is the donation button to make this happen?

  12. Wrince says:

    Good god, we need to get this on youtube.

  13. Chris says:

    Strongly agreeing that this should be made!

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